Getting Back Together: How to Avoid Loss in Separation

Learn how to get your partner back, and reverse their rejection; even when you’re the only one interested in rediscovering the path to love.

An eBook By Dean Bradley

 Who is this eBook for?

This is for those who think there is no way back; for those who believe they have done everything possible to win over an ex-partner but feel like nothing has worked. When you have already put in the hard yards; when you have openly communicated your love, your willingness to change – for when you’re at your wit’s end.

Now, let’s be clear: When your partner says that they want to separate, you should, of course, always start by doing everything you can to show you can change. To demonstrate you want each of you to find happiness, and that you’re willing to work hard to make sure that happens.

Too often, at the beginning of a separation, a person makes intensive efforts to win back their partner. However, when such overtures are rejected, when efforts and attempts fail, it may be that you have, unintentionally, gone too far. Now, you must tone down your efforts. You must start working on the tactics that influence your partner’s mind – and in such a way that she/he will come to you instead of you being the one chasing.

The goal of this book is to guide you in what to do to increase your chances of winning back your love.

 Table of Contents

• Get to Know Your Competition
• Understand What the Crisis is Doing to You
• Prepare for the Worst
• Become Mysterious
• 23 Strategies That Work
• The Winning Formula
• How to Become the Best Partner

Get to Know Your Competition

By understanding your competition and learning to stand up strong, I guarantee that you will increase your chances of avoiding separation. For ultimately, you must once again earn your partner’s respect and attraction.

That said, just by knowing and understanding the types of competition I list below, you’ll take your first steps in the right direction:

1) Other people
In-laws and siblings who can’t stand to see an unhappy family member. The divorced friend or colleague who is unconsciously jealous of your relationship. Friends and confidantes who support your partner’s plan for separation or divorce.

2) Your partner’s negative feelings
Fear, pain, anger, pessimism, resentment, contempt. You must learn how to deal with any negative perceptions.

3) Your own pain
Your pain and addiction to it, your feelings of betrayal, your sadness, your anxiety, your depression. It is too easy to become addicted to such negative feelings, which only weaken and paralyse. They must be avoided.

4) Your addiction to the ‘10 Strategies’ that never work
There are ten strategies that people almost always try, but that never work. I’ll summarise these below to demonstrate the types of action you must stop immediately.

4.1) Giving your partner shallow promises: “I’m a changed person. I will not be controlling anymore. I’ll never lie to you again. I’ll never, ever be unfaithful.” And so on. Your efforts to give assurances will almost never work and may even backfire.

4.2) Telling over and over again, how much you love them: Stop it – this never works!

4.3) Hoping and praying: This is wishful thinking, pure and simple. Realistic awareness, a pragmatic and objective attitude – these are what will help your situation. Instead of being passive, believing it’s your fate to be left behind, you must know that it’s YOU who shapes your own destiny. So, get up and roll up your sleeves!

4.4) Arguing that separation is the wrong approach: Reasoning – or trying to persuade your partner to feel differently and change their feelings – will never work.

4.5) Trying to recruit others: trying to sway friends, relatives or other close people to your side of thinking usually bites you in the backside. It is a mistake that, in the future, you may well come to regret.

4.6) Showing your depression: Sometimes, this can work temporarily, causing a partner to feel guilty or frightened about how their actions have broken you down. The truth is, when you show your depression, you show weakness. This reduces levels of attraction, increasing the partner’s motivation to get away from you.

4.7) Using the kids as a weapon – if you have any: This always backfires. Not only will the children be hurt by this behaviour, but in the worst-case scenario, they could also fall into a deep depression.

4.8) Accusations and conversations about morality: Getting your partner to feel guilty about crashing the relationship will never work if you want to get them back in your life.

4.9) Persistent pessimism: We can quickly become addicted to our own pessimism.

“I know I can’t win him back.”
“You don’t know her; she’s very stubborn.”
“When he’s got something in his head, he’ll never change his mind.”

Practice a positive mindset. Your partner once promised to stay with you, and love you, forever. Now, they can’t stand the sight of you. Obviously, people can change their minds and perceptions. Similarly, there is the possibility that they will change their mind again, wanting to be back with you. Unfortunately, we tend to focus solely on the pessimistic perspective.

4.10) Exaggerating: Always try keeping a light tone in these situations, as most of us tend to exaggerate. We exaggerate the perfect life that comes from being together, as much as detailing the hideous life that awaits, post-separation.

The truth is, these ten strategies simply reflect human nature. So, how do we overcome such obstacles: other people’s critical influences; your partner’s negative perceptions; and our own addictions to self-pity and mental dystopia?

The short answer is that you first need to…

Hi Dean!
Thank you for amazing wise words!
The book was just what I needed in a desperate situation. It gave me a perspective that I think will save my relationship. It has not even been a day since I started applying several of your tips and it has already given results.
Thanks!
Best regards, Anna

Hey,
Just wanted to reconnect and tell you that my relationship is going in the right direction now. I understand that it’s a long way back before all balance is restored but I’ve managed to turn it all around. Much thanks to your book that gave me focus and made me act strategically. It was the best, thank you.
/Adam

 Your relationship can definitely be saved. Period.

You just need to act strategically. Say the right things, and avoid the actions that take you those many steps back. This could be the most important book you ever read.

In this downloadable PDF, you will find the tools you need to take control and steer your situation in the right direction.

Click the button below to purchase an exclusive PDF version of the eBook, now. For a limited time only, the cost is just R349.

You will get a download link right away.

About Me

I’m Dean. I’m 41 years old with two children, working in the IT industry in Cape Town. The reason I chose to write this book is that I’ve been in this situation myself.

My divorce gave me a deep-rooted interest in the subject. I read a lot of literature about relationships and separation, immersing myself in different theories, research and statistics.

Over the years, I have helped a lot of people avoid separation, finding their own way back. This has given me massive insight into how we each work and think in troubled times; how marriages end where the love has dried out; how unhappy scenes, hurtful infidelity and affairs, midlife crises, or energy-draining separations disrupt once-happy lives.

Full disclaimer: I’m not a qualified therapist. I’m not here to offer you emotional support. But what I am here to do is to supply concrete strategies to overcome your separation crisis. This is thanks to the knowledge I’ve collected about separation; partly from my own life experiences, but mostly through insights gleaned from all the people I’ve helped. I take great pride in assisting couples back to loving, enduring relationships.

If you’ve got any questions, advice, or just want spiritual guidance, I’m always happy to talk! Drop me a line at Dean@separation.guru, and we’ll take it from there!